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Thursday, October 4, 2012

Pity Party for One

   You ever have one of those horrible, rotten, all-around no good days where everything just makes you feel like you're a complete failure and a waste of space? Yeah, I had one of those days the other day. And I'm not proud that I was having myself a good old fashioned pity party but I was. Yes, some of it may have been due to being "that time of the month" but most of it was because for that day, for at least a few hours I was convinced I was an epic failure as a mother, wife, part-time career woman, baker, house cleaner, etc. You name it and I could have told you how I sucked at it. 
    The whole day started with me waking up to a sinus headache. You know those old men that swear they can tell a storm is brewing because they get a creek in their knee? Well for some reason it seems like whenever it's going to rain I get a horrible sinus headache. The kind of headache that's in your eyebrows and behind your right eyeball, or at least it is for me. Well I took some medicine that never works but I still take it hoping that this will be the day it works, and got the girls ready for school. That day the girls were going to be cheering at a pep rally and high school football game with the rest of the Elementary Cheer Clinic so I had to make sure they were dressed according to the theme.This year's theme was Western Wear. The girls received shirts to wear but the rest of the outfit was up to the parents and while they say, "don't worry if you don't have Western outfits, jeans and sneakers are fine." I just knew that my girls were going to be the only ones without cute boots, hats, and big shiny belts. It didn't help that I had just looked at a facebook post from another mother whose girls were dress in, you guessed it, cute cowboy hats, pink belts with big shiny buckles, blue jeans, and matching pink cowgirl boots that looked brand new. Of course. Feeling deflated I sent my girls to school with no hats, no belts, shorts (I didn't even think of jeans for some reason) and one girl in garage sale cowboy boots that I just glued the sole back on and the other girl in brown winter boots (it's the only boots she had). Poor kids. If only they had one of "those" mothers who actually thought about this stuff before the day of. 
    I decided that I was going to go back to bed, lay around and watch Real Housewives of New Jersey reunions. My husband had other plans and as he was leaving for work he said, "Don't forget your mom and grandma are coming over later. You might want to clean this pig sty." And he was right. Our house was a pig sty. Not that it's super clean any other day but looking through the house, there wasn't a single room that didn't have some kind of mess in it. With Nick working a bunch of overtime and having to take K3 to work with me and dealing with all the kids the rest of the day, I kind of had a couple lazy days, okay a lazy week. What a failure, my husband works a couple days extra and I all of the sudden turn into one of those people on Hoarders who doesn't know how to pick up dirty socks or empty toilet paper rolls. My poor husband. 
    Knowing I can't avoid cleaning I start with the bathroom, the smallest room of the house. I don't know about anyone else and maybe this is why I get overwhelmed when my house is dirty but this is how I clean: I take a glass out of the bathroom into the kitchen, while I'm in the kitchen I realize that the trash is full, so I empty the trash and take it outside, while outside I see that one of my kids left their shoes on the porch, I grab the shoes and take them to the playroom, in the playroom I find the living room t.v. remote, I go in the living room, find some dirty socks, and it is only then as I'm walking past the bathroom to take the socks to the dirty laundry that I remember that I'm supposed to be cleaning the bathroom in the first place. So then I'm stressed out because I can't even clean one freaking room and it didn't help that K3, from spending more time then usual with me developed this sudden clinginess that caused him to cry the whole time I attempted to clean because I wasn't paying attention to him. All he wanted was for his mother to love on him, poor baby. 
    Feeling all the weight of the day on me (and some of the residual stress from throughout the week) I did the only thing I could think of to do, I cried. I cried like a little baby. I cried because my daughters looked like orphaned cheerleaders, I cried because my husband has to live in a messy house, I cried because my poor son is neglected, and mainly I cried because poor me, I was a failure. I'm not usually a crier and in fact, I sometimes pick on my husband for crying during sad movies but for whatever reason that day my world sucked, I couldn't do anything right and I was going to cry about it. Not only did I cry about it but every time my husband called me I would make him feel completely horrible for calling. The calls went something like this, "Hey hun just checking in to see how you're doing?" 
My response, "How do you think I'm doing?! I'm a horrible mother, my life sucks and I can't do anything right. Why would you even ask how I'm doing!!" 
Mustering up all the patience in the world, Nick would say in his calmest voice, "okay well I'll call you later to see if things get better. Sorry you're having a bad day, love you." Which I'm sure I responded with a, "screw you" or something equally pleasant. I know I wasn't being nice but he knew I was having a horrible day so why on Earth would he keep calling me. 
    At some point in the day I actually managed to clean the house enough where it looked halfway decent. My mom and grandma came over to go to the pep rally with me. I was still in a pissy mood but I tried to be a little more pleasant then I was with Nick. Besides, feeling sorry for me they both dug through their houses and found two old cowboy hats the girls could use for their cheer performances. Right as we were getting ready to leave the doorbell rings. Not expecting anyone I answer the door and am greeted by a lady holding flowers. They were a bouquet of Spider Mums (my favorite flowers) for me. I opened the card and it read, "Just thinking of you, Love Nicolas" Awwwwww Even though I was a complete bitch, my husband was still sweet enough to send me flowers. And for the second time of the day I cried like a big old baby, only this time they were happy tears. 
    No wonder why he kept calling me, he wanted to see if I got the flowers yet. I immediately called Nick, with my tail between my legs and not only thanked him for the flowers but apologized for being so horrible to him. He told me that he knew I was having a bad day and just wanted me to know that he appreciates all I do for the family. I know, right? How could anyone stay in a pity party after something as sweet as that. I may have felt like a complete failure that day but the one thing I know I did right was marrying that man. I may not always deserve him ( or him deserve me, belive it or not) but I know I am so lucky to be his wife. Getting those flowers made me wake up and see that things are not as bad as I thought. The pity party was over and while I'm sure I'll have one again, possibly even around the same time next month.... at least I know that good, bad, or ugly crying there are people out there that not only love me but love me enough to put up with me when I least deserve it. Anybody else have a pity party recently? 
                                                                     Yours Truly,
                                                                            Deja

Oh and just so you know, not only did my girls end up looking super cute for their cheer clinic but that's one thing we get to check off our Fall Bucket List!! Yay!!  

                                                              

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