As I try to define the true me, the one thing I don't want to be defined by is my weight. Although I've never been a size zero, I have to admit that my weight; which will be kept private (it's somewhere between Whoa and Damn Gina!!) has not just gradually increased in the years but really became a burden to me. Instead of being the cute kind-of-chubby girl, I became the fat mom and I HATE IT!!! While I'm still able to do most if not all the things I've ever been able to do (maybe just a little slower and with more heavy breathing... get your mind out of the gutter we're talking about exercise), I know the burden is the fact that this isn't me. Yes I've always been the outgoing chubby girl but now I'm the fat insecure woman and I am tired of it. My husband is always telling me how beautiful I look and I know he means well but honestly, after 9 years, sometimes his compliments can feel like something your mom would say. It's nice and he means well but I can't help but think he's saying these things because he has to. Even the times when I know he's saying something from his heart I have to wonder, who the heck is he looking at? I know I'm being hard on myself but that's just how I feel. I was once told by a random stranger that I was, "the most beautiful woman he had ever seen." Now granted I know I wasn't the most beautiful woman in the world and that this poor guy must not get out much but that comment made my day.... not just my day but my week. In fact, that comment still stands as the most flattering thing I've ever heard in my life. I think the fact that it came from a complete stranger is part of it. It wasn't from my husband, or my mom, or my best friend, but just some random guy who may or may not have been trying to get my number. Thinking about that compliment I thought back on how I used to look then. I still had the same hair color, no nose job or boob job, etc. The main difference is I was about 50lbs. lighter. It's amazing how you can think you're fat at one size and then look back and kill to be that size again.
My beautiful bestie and myself
Instead of just sitting around and bitching about being fat like I usually do I decided to be pro-active. This time I'm going to do something and stick to it, the first thing I needed was a plan. Who better to ask then my super skinny and very motivating best friend, Jess. As hard as it was to believe with her prefect body, she confessed that she wanted to lose a few pounds also so we decided to do some meal planning together. Jess lives almost 2 hours away so exercising together isn't possible. We knew the one thing we could do is talk about food and make similar meal plans to stick to through the week. We are getting a lot of our recipes from The Eat Clean Diet http://www.eatcleandiet.com/ and I am actively counting my calories and recording them in a food journal. I'm also drinking 2 Liters of water a day and for the first time in I don't know how long, I'm eating breakfast. Changing my eating habits had me thinking I would have to eat less food then what I do but it's actually having me eat more. My problem is that I skip breakfast, sometimes lunch, and then have a big dinner which is causing my metabolism to be really slow and causing my body to go into starvation mode and store up calories.... my body obviously didn't realize I have plenty of calories stored up in my ass already. I'm also exercising more and even did 30 minutes of Yoga today, woohoo! I think the main reason I feel so motivated this time is I'm just tired of being fat. I'm ready to be healthy, ready to change my eating habits, and ready to be a trophy wife. I'm so ready and so motivated that I'm willing to confess on this blog that I need to make a change. My goal is to lose 50 pounds by April 23rd. My dreaded 30th birthday! Will I make my goal? Will I give up? Will Jessica give me that really awesome gift she promised if I make my goal weight? (Ha, Jess now you're stuck in the deal!) The answer is I don't know but for the first time in my life I'm willing to share my journey through what I believe to be one of my biggest challenges. Feel free to send as many tips or good vibes as possible! I'll need them!! Yours Truly, Deja