As I try to define the true me, the one thing I don't want to be defined by is my weight. Although I've never been a size zero, I have to admit that my weight; which will be kept private (it's somewhere between Whoa and Damn Gina!!) has not just gradually increased in the years but really became a burden to me. Instead of being the cute kind-of-chubby girl, I became the fat mom and I HATE IT!!! While I'm still able to do most if not all the things I've ever been able to do (maybe just a little slower and with more heavy breathing... get your mind out of the gutter we're talking about exercise), I know the burden is the fact that this isn't me. Yes I've always been the outgoing chubby girl but now I'm the fat insecure woman and I am tired of it. My husband is always telling me how beautiful I look and I know he means well but honestly, after 9 years, sometimes his compliments can feel like something your mom would say. It's nice and he means well but I can't help but think he's saying these things because he has to. Even the times when I know he's saying something from his heart I have to wonder, who the heck is he looking at? I know I'm being hard on myself but that's just how I feel. I was once told by a random stranger that I was, "the most beautiful woman he had ever seen." Now granted I know I wasn't the most beautiful woman in the world and that this poor guy must not get out much but that comment made my day.... not just my day but my week. In fact, that comment still stands as the most flattering thing I've ever heard in my life. I think the fact that it came from a complete stranger is part of it. It wasn't from my husband, or my mom, or my best friend, but just some random guy who may or may not have been trying to get my number. Thinking about that compliment I thought back on how I used to look then. I still had the same hair color, no nose job or boob job, etc. The main difference is I was about 50lbs. lighter. It's amazing how you can think you're fat at one size and then look back and kill to be that size again.
My beautiful bestie and myself
Instead of just sitting around and bitching about being fat like I usually do I decided to be pro-active. This time I'm going to do something and stick to it, the first thing I needed was a plan. Who better to ask then my super skinny and very motivating best friend, Jess. As hard as it was to believe with her prefect body, she confessed that she wanted to lose a few pounds also so we decided to do some meal planning together. Jess lives almost 2 hours away so exercising together isn't possible. We knew the one thing we could do is talk about food and make similar meal plans to stick to through the week. We are getting a lot of our recipes from The Eat Clean Diet http://www.eatcleandiet.com/ and I am actively counting my calories and recording them in a food journal. I'm also drinking 2 Liters of water a day and for the first time in I don't know how long, I'm eating breakfast. Changing my eating habits had me thinking I would have to eat less food then what I do but it's actually having me eat more. My problem is that I skip breakfast, sometimes lunch, and then have a big dinner which is causing my metabolism to be really slow and causing my body to go into starvation mode and store up calories.... my body obviously didn't realize I have plenty of calories stored up in my ass already. I'm also exercising more and even did 30 minutes of Yoga today, woohoo! I think the main reason I feel so motivated this time is I'm just tired of being fat. I'm ready to be healthy, ready to change my eating habits, and ready to be a trophy wife. I'm so ready and so motivated that I'm willing to confess on this blog that I need to make a change. My goal is to lose 50 pounds by April 23rd. My dreaded 30th birthday! Will I make my goal? Will I give up? Will Jessica give me that really awesome gift she promised if I make my goal weight? (Ha, Jess now you're stuck in the deal!) The answer is I don't know but for the first time in my life I'm willing to share my journey through what I believe to be one of my biggest challenges. Feel free to send as many tips or good vibes as possible! I'll need them!! Yours Truly, Deja
It's a new school year and I officially have two kids going to school full-time. My oldest daughter is in 2nd grade and my youngest daughter (middle child) is in kindergarten. Unlike most people I dread the new school year. It's not because I'll miss my kids (which I will but they were REALLY pushing it last week) but it's because I hate having such a strict routine for 9 months. In the summer, besides softball games and one week of Vacation Bible School we have no routine. The kids get to sleep in as late as they want which means mommy gets to sleep in. We eat lunch around noonish..... I think once we ate lunch as late as 2pm. We did various things to fill up the day such as swimming, playing in the yard when it wasn't brutally hot, riding bikes, played the Wii, have friends stay the night any day of the week,etc. Now it's back to school and it's back to routine..... blah. But in my quest to finding the true me, I have decided to embrace the new school year and try and be more like one of "those" moms. I know you know who "those" moms are and yes I make air quotations with my fingers every time I say that out loud. Those moms are the moms who always bring the really awesome snacks to the class parties, they're the moms that always take the extra 5 minutes in the morning to put the cute hair bows in their daughters hair and spike their 5 year old son's hair. They are involved in a million things but never seem frazzled. They write cute notes in the lunch boxes, make sure the homework is done right after school, and always send teacher gifts for special occasions. Whether we want to admit it or not I believe that the teachers can spot "those" moms within the 1st week of school and maybe, just maybe, they are a little bit nicer to the children of "those" moms because they know that will be one less parent they have to worry about and one parent who has their stuff together..... or will at least give them some fantastic smelling hand lotion for Christmas. Now I'm not going to kid myself I know that I probably won't be able to do all those things that I think the super moms do but maybe I could just do a few of them and create the illusion of being one of "those" moms. Kind of like how my husband straightens the living room to give it the illusion of clean but if you really stopped and looked you'd realize we've got about 17 crayons shoved in the couch, a inch of dust coating all surfaces, and what I believe to be a jelly hand print on the window. But squint your eyes and breath through your mouth and we've got ourselves one clean living room. And not only a clean living room but a living room cleaned by my husband. Woot! Woot! Yes ladies, I am one lucky bitch. Anyways back to my plan. Tomorrow is the last day of the first full week of school and so far I think it's going well. I've gotten the kids up in time to have a decent breakfast (cereal or pop tarts), made sure they had on cute outfits, put their hair in cute bows, and even walked them to and from school. Yes I may only live a block from the school but some days that block can feel like 5 miles but so far so good. They haven't taken their lunches to school yet (thank goodness because that's just one extra headache) so no special note taped to their sandwiches BUT I did send them both to school with a special note on the 1st day. I have even gone through their backpacks and gotten them to do their homework as soon as they get home. But here's where my illusionist skills come into play. They both had sheets of paper sent home asking us to collect box tops from participating items and to tape them to the paper. When the paper is filled up, they bring it back to the school, and the school earns a dollar. Now normally in the past I've gotten these sheets and just thrown them away. Most of my shopping involves store brands which don't participate in the box tops program and when I did have a box top we usually sat it somewhere and forgot about it. This year is a new year and I had big plans for those sheets. I recently did really good couponing (which hardly ever happens) and I had a whole bunch of items in my pantry with those special box tops on them. I went through the boxes we had set aside to recycle (another semi-new thing I'm trying out to help discover my environmentally conscious self.) and cut out as many box tops as I could. I evenly divided them up on the two sheets but I was still short a couple of box tops. Knowing that if I had to wait for a box of cereal bars or frozen biscuits to be emptied I would most likely lose the sheets I did the only logical thing I could think of. I cut as many box tops as possible off of boxes that weren't opened. We were going to eat them eventually so why not just use them now and actually get the sheet turned in. So with the sheets full, I put them in each of the girl's backpacks, and let the satisfaction of knowing that for the first time in 3 years I finally filled up one of those box tops sheets and our school is two dollars richer because of me sink in. I AM one of "those" moms!!!
unopened box missing box tops
Or at least I thought I was until my husband comes into the living room with an unopened box of cereal bars that's missing the box tops. "Really Deja, really?" is all he said as he gave me one of those familiar women are so weird looks. So maybe I'm not one of those moms yet, BUT as far as my girl's teachers are concerned I am so maybe they'll have just a smidge more patience when dealing with my little angels and I'm satisfied with just the illusion of being one of those moms..... for now. Yours Truly, Deja
So I decided to start a blog because I am a person that likes to talk and enjoys creative writing. That and my husband can only hear so many stories about my day before he starts to zone out. I decided the first thing I needed to do to join the blog world is decide what my blog would be about. Simple right? Wrong, nothing is simple in my world. I thought about who I am and realized that I'm not really sure who I am. I'm a mother to three kids, a wife, a church secretary, 29 years old, a Taurus.... but all of those are just facts. Who Am I?!?! Am I a crafter? An at-home chef? Expert lover? Ha, okay, I know the answer to that one and no, this is not going to be that kind of blog. Am I a great friend? A gracious hostess? A budding health nut? One of "those" moms? The answer is I really don't know. I know what I want to be and I know what I try to be but I don't know if I am any of those things... yet. What I decided is that with the dreaded 30th birthday creeping up on me..... (only 244 days left in my 20's but who's counting?) I am going to define ME. This blog is dedicated finding the true me, the person I can be proud to say I am when I am 30. Whoa, that's still hard to say even if it's just typing the number. I invite you to join me on my journey, I cannot promise that it will be grammatically correct, but it might just be fairly entertaining! Yours Truly, Deja